You probably know by now that all healthy relationships in the world are always going to require proper communication. And what exactly does communication mean? It’s about being open enough to discuss what you think and feel to your partner. It’s about opening yourself up and letting your partner know exactly where you stand. It’s about showing all of your cards to your partner and not holding anything back. However, you also have to know that too much of a good thing is bad in a relationship. And just because you CAN say something to your partner doesn’t mean that you should.
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Yes, you want to be as communicative as you can be to your partner. But you also have to recognize that language is powerful in a relationship. It’s powerful in the sense that it can bring out the best of your relationship; but it’s also powerful enough to destroy it. It’s a double-edged sword and you always need to make sure that you are paying attention to the words that are coming out of your mouth. You can’t be so careless about the things that you are saying to your partner. You don’t want to be endangering your relationship by being careless about what you say.
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In fact, just to be careful, here are 3 very dangerous things that you should avoid saying in your relationship.
1. “You always… you never.”
Avoid speaking in the extremes and superlatives in your relationship. It can be very tempting to accuse your partner of ALWAYS being guilty of something. It can be tempting to be angry at your partner and tell them that they NEVER do this one thing that you ask them to. But that is always the wrong approach to dealing with the problem. When you say this to your partner, you are attacking them with your words; and you’re doing so with the intent to make them feel bad about the role that they’re playing within your relationship. You have to remember that communication is ultimately about being able to make things better in your relationship;
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to solve the problems and conflicts that you might have. But if you speak in superlatives, you are essentially just attacking your partner’s ego without any intention of building them up to be better human beings. Yes, you are frustrated. But there are always better ways for you to be channeling your frustrations. So instead of speaking in the extremes; instead of being too general, try to focus on specific situations and scenarios. When you are more direct, you are giving your partner a more tangible aspect of your relationship that they can potentially improve on. They won’t feel as attacked; and they will have something more real that they can hold on to as you both move forward in your relationship.
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2. “I don’t really care all that much.”
It boggles the mind as to why some people still feel like they can say this in a relationship and expect to get away with it. The whole point of being in a relationship is having someone with whom you can always relate to; having someone who is always going to have your back when you need it the most. When your partner comes to you with something; no matter how trivial it might be or how uninterested you are in that topic, you must always be able to express some form of interest. You can’t let your partner feel like you’re just going to disregard what they’re trying to tell you. You really have to always CARE about what your partner cares about.
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You don’t have to care about it to the same degree; but you shouldn’t make the mistake of thinking that it’s okay for you to not care for it entirely. Show your partner that you’re willing to support them; and that you’re always willing to express an interest in anything that concerns their life. It’s a form of endearment and validation that is always going to be important in any kind of relationship. Avoid saying anything that might make your partner feel like you don’t care much about them.
3. “Forget about it; it doesn’t really matter.”
No. Don’t leave your partner hanging like that. Don’t try bringing something up without having the intention of finishing it. That’s totally unfair to your partner; and it’s very frustrating to deal with. You always want to make sure that you are communicating how you feel to your partner. You have to know that your own thoughts and feelings matter; and that your partner deserves to hear them. You can’t keep everything bottled up inside. You can’t keep expecting your partner to be a mind-reader. If you want to get something off your chest, you need to trust that your partner is going to receive it with an open ear and a loving heart.